Fake Dad (transcript)
Episode: Fake Dad episode begins at the Fake Dad Headquarters. President Dad: This is a very big thing that you're doing, Mr. Hoek. We have just the boy for you. He's only seven years old and hasn't had much love. and Stimpy tear up But I think you're just the man who can turn him around. Ren: Come on, bring in the little nibber. Stimpy: Joy! Ecstasy! President Dad: Okay, Bring in Kowalski! Wagon stops on. Close-up at Kowalski's eyes and Kowalski opens the back truck. Kowalski is serving a 30 year prison sentence for crimes against humanity. We let him out on weekend furloughs. growls. Ren whimpers Well, go on, Kowalski. Say hi to your fake dad. growls He's gonna give you the love you never had. Stimpy: Go ahead, Ren. Give him your love! hugs tightly at Ren with one hand. Ren screams muffled. Kowalski hugs Ren's butt with the other hand. Kowalski: Hmmm... DADDY! Kowalski love you daddy. looks at Ren. Stimpy tears up and sobs happily. Fades to the trailer. Cut to Kowalski, Ren and Stimpy on the couch. Ren stirs the bowl. The sign says "Home Sweet Home". Stimpy: Oh joy! We are such a happy family! Ren: Let us all enjoy some quality time together! Oh look. I have some tasty icing on my spoon. Let us share it. Stimpy: Oh no, you should give some with your new child. growls happily Ren: He's not my child. Kowalski: Daddy... Ren: I'm not your DAD! I'm only your FAKE DAD! And all for this weekend! Stimpy: Be nice to the product of your loins. Ren: Stimpy's nose My fake loins! Stimpy: OOH! OOH! slurps the icing, spoon and Ren and chews it. Kowalski spits Ren out. Ren was in the bowl. I wish all children could know your love. Kowalski: was reading a book, growling Read. Ren: My favorite CHAIR!! was reading "Prison Romance". Kowalski licks his finger and rips off his pages. Ren growls. Ren gives the Kowalski book. Ren: GIVE ME THAT! That's MY book your making! Why I'll take your pants down and ought to spank you! Stimpy: Ren Hoek, what are you doing? Shame on you. You leave his little hands on. Show him some love. You're his father. growls Ren: I'm not his dad! Stimpy: Shame, shame, double shame. looks at Stimpy. Ren: You're right. I've been terrible. Okay, I'm sorry Kowalski, but be careful. This is my house and these are my things. walks offscreen. Kowalski growling. Kowalski look around. Kowalski thinks. Kowalski puts the "Long Life Cigarettes" out of his pocket. He pounds it and burns to the fire. Ren was angry. Kowalski was smoking. Kowalski sighs. Ren slaps his face at Kowalski. Ren: Kowalski smoking What do you think you're doing! You're seven years old! Don't you know that smoking can KILL YOU?!? Now I really ought to spank you! roars Why you... around, chuckles evilly. Ren bonks Kowalski's head That'll teach ya how to smoke. covers his head and groans. Kowalski was tear up. Stimpy comes in. Stimpy: What's going on in there? sees Kowalski Kowalski: Daddy hit baby! BABY MAD!!! grabs the couch Ren: gasps MY FAVORITE COUCH! crushs the couch to dust, grabs the TV gasps MY FAVORITE TV! crushs the TV to dust, grabs the Stimpy gasps MY FAVORITE FRIEND! crushs the Stimpy to dust, Stimpy look at Kowalski. Fades to the garden. Kowalski growls. Ren: Okay Kowalski, what kind of sandwich do you want? Kowalski: MEAT! Ren: And what kind of bread do you want? Kowalski: MEAT! Ren: Meat on meat, eh? Okay, here's the meat on meat sandwich. was eating Meat on meat Sandwich and starts chewing it. Kowalski was shocking. He spits out Meat on meat Sandwich. Kowalski roars. What's wrong now, Kowalski? Kowalski: TOAST MEAT! has a toaster and Ren grabs the toast meat. Ren: Here! was open his mouth with Toast Meat. Kowalski eats it and chews it. Kowalski feels netural and coughs hardly. What's wrong with you now!? Kowalski: THIRSTY! WANT DRINK! Ren: What would you like to drink, Kowalski? Kowalski: MEAT! Ren: Get him a glass of meat, will ya Stimpy? pours the glass of meat. Kowalski drinks the glass of meat. Ren was exhausted. Kowalski blows the meat bubble and pops it. Kowalski groans. Ren looks worried at Stimpy smiles. Stimpy: Look Ren, Baby spit up! You're us fake dad! You better burp 'em! Ren: Okay Kowalski, I'll burp you! pulls the Kowalski up to the back and Ren starts pats on Kowalski's back. Okay Kowalski, burp for daddy! Come on Kowalski! Burp, I tell you! the Timecard says "36 Weeks Later", Cuts to Ren continues patting Kowalski's back. Ren gets tired and starts panting. Oh come on, Kowalski! PLEASE burp! Do it for your own man! pulls Kowalski back to the tree. I'm telling you there's no way he's going to burp. Not in the million years! are grumpy at Kowalski. Kowalski: Ohhh... was about to burp. Kowalski has a loud burp at Ren and Ren winds his fur off. Ren looks at the fur gone and he gets angry. Ren had a spatula. Ren: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ALL I CAN STAND FROM YOU, KOWALSKIIII!!!!!!! Stimpy: Now now, Ren! Ren: SHUT UP!! He is ALREADY COMING FOR ALL TIME NOW!!!! ALRIGHT KOWALSKI... GET UP!!!! COME ON! gets up UP! THAT'S RIGHT! NOW TURN AROUND!! TURN AROUND!!! feels confused. Kowalski turns around. Stimpy was about to poke Ren's back. BUG OFF, MAN!! ALRIGHT KOWALSKI... groans TAKE THEM DOWN! COME ON, TAKE THE PANTS DOWN!!! Kowalski: Waahh? Ren: THE PANTS, KOWALSKI! THE PANTS! sighs giggles This is gonna happen. puts the pants down. Ren giggles and he shocked. Ren looks at Kowalski and gets very upset. He drops the spatula and tears up. Put it up. PLEASE, put it up! Put up the pants! looks at Ren. Kowalski put the pants up. Ren looks at the viewers. Fades to Kowalski humming. Ren was holding Kowalski. President Dad: Well, how did you enjoy your weekend, Kowalski? Kowalski: Daddy burp Baby! Daddy loves Baby! President Dad: You've got a wonderful service to humanity, Mr. Hoek. You've really turn the ladder round. Okay boys, take him away. growls and goes to the Paddy Wagon. Two of them close the backdoor truck. Kowalski was in the cell. Kowalski pants, groans and whimpers. Ren was feeling sad. Kowalski: Goodbye, daddy! Goodbye, daddy! Goodbye, daddy! Goodbye, daddy! off Goodbye, daddy! Goodbye, daddy! Goodbye, daddy! Ren: sniffs Goodbye, baby! sobs Kowalski: Goodbye, daddy! Daddy daddy! Goodbye- sniffs, Stimpy hugging Ren was crying Stimpy: There there. It's okay. Even Daddy's can cry sometimes. iris was closing completely at the end of the episode. Category:Episode Transcripts